The Deadbeat

This entry was difficult to make light of.  As I wrote this, I came to the realization that this man isn’t personally funny.  He’s just an idiot. I don’t know if he can help it, he really just has no clue what appropriate behavior is.  Still, the information is important because if I don’t say it now, entries are not going to make much sense and ultimately fail at my humble attempt at being funny.  And if we can’t laugh about it…well, then it just seems mean.

Mr. “Johnnie BBQ”, from small-town eastern-Tennessee, or as he boldly claims, “the great land of Davey Crockett!”  Sorry, I can’t help myself sometimes, the guy is an idiot!  And yes, that is a direct quote from an email.

Anyway!

Being from a small town myself, I noticed that there seems to be an accepted way of life that is repeated for generations.  For instance, where I grew up, the mentality for many of the girls I knew was that they needed to be married immediately after high school and start a family.  Like other small towns, Johnnie's probably had the same belief but his family, in particular, liked to add a little twist! 

Johnnie’s family has a history of having children at really young ages and leaving the responsibility to their parents to raise the child.  So after Michael was born, Johnnie continued to roam the streets, knowing his mother was around to make sure that his little family was provided for.  To be honest, I think this is what Johnnie has come to expect.  From what I understand, he got everything he wanted growing up and grew accustomed to pitching fits when things didn’t go his way. 

His family was, and still is, like a horrible dog owner.  When a Chihuahua bites someone’s finger, the worst thing anyone could do is think it’s cute, pet the dog, and talk to it in a baby-voice.  All it does is re-enforces the bad behavior and the dog will continue to bite.  Johnnie’ parents are no different, rather than nipping this shit in the ass when he was a kid.  They went into denial and re-enforced the behavior with cars, clothes, and cover-ups…especially during hissy-fits that became violent, which was interestingly only ever directed towards women.

 Johnnie's top priority is what everyone around him thinks about him.  He really doesn’t care that he current owes $15,000 in back child support.  What is important to him, is that his friends and family believe he is a wonderful parent because he continues to call Michael, although he hides that he only does it periodically…and only when it’s convenient. 

In essence, I guess the man is kind of funny.  Sometimes it’s because of idiot statements or his depictions of the alternative universe he lives in.  But really, I just think it’s funny to watch and listen to a 35-year old man act like a 12-year old boy who had their Xbox taken away.  

The Introduction

Back around 2005, I was introduced to the phrase, "other people's children."  I smirked as I first heard it, because of the context in how it was used.  The saying was mainly directed to a conversation involving the type of person who is driving their car down a two-lane road and quickly approaches an intersection.  The left lane is meant to go straight, while the right-hand lane is solely dedicated to right-hand turns.  Yet, this person continues to drive in the left lane until the last possible second and inconsiderately forces their way between two other cars and into the other lane.

Fast forward to 2009, as I am marrying my cousin’s sister.  Wait…that sounds terrible.  See, it was my cousin’s wife who introduced me to her sister.  I love telling that joke when I first meet people, their eyes tend to cross and roll around in their heads before I fill them in to the rest of the story. 

Anyway, so when I decided to ask this girl to marry me, I had also accepted that her son, “Michael,” would move into my home as well.  Not that I needed much convincing.  I knew that Michael was a fantastic kid, but in all honesty, he really needed a male presence in his life after basically being raised by his Mom and paternal Grandmother.  I’ve been Michael’s “Dad” now for almost six years and had a number of experiences with Michael’s birth father that now when I think of, “other people's children,” I can't help but to think of Michael’s biological father...and belly laugh hard enough for my face to turn red and left gasping for air!

Seriously!  I consider myself to be a semi-talented creative writer and I've seen more than my share fair share of movies, but there is no way I think anyone could possibly make up any of the stunts this idiot tries to pull!  

UPDATE:

My hope with this blog is document, highlight, and share his antics to the world!  I really don’t have reason why.  Maybe it has something to do with his constant pursuit to demonstrate how great of a Dad he is to his friends and family…maybe it’s to show his friends and family the other half of the story.  Maybe it’s too damn funny to me not to share!  Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys my new blog as much as I have making fun of this knucklehead! 


I'd also like to add that I will also be including what legal steps we have taken and siting information as I come across it that reflects our particular situation.  I hope that this blog will also help in any "adventures" you might have and I encourage any and all feedback!